literacy draft one

Anning LI                                              ENG 201

Professor Matyakubova                                   2/14/15

                          Don’t quit

      In the past years, reading and writing has hindered my path to success in many courses. The inabilities to write and read is my fatally weaknesses in academic process. My dad told me that I couldn’t express myself and analyzed reading precisely with deeper insight. It bothered me when I was in china and It is even worst when I moved to New York.

     Sometimes I thought of quitting school may stopped the frustration in my life. Maybe I was so naive and maybe I was jealous of others’ ability that they could easily got good grades in ESL class while I was struggling to read a single vocabulary. I remember one most foolish thing I have ever done in my life was an in class reading assignment, we were no only required to read but also to write a summary of it. My ESL teacher gave me ‘journey to center of the earth’ it was a science fiction book, I was suppose to read the first chapter about(23 pages)by 20 minutes which was not a lot since each pages was attached a photo to it. Due to my inability to read and lack of vocabulary capacity, I spent most of my time searching in the dictionary. I was sweating like summer rain. That wasn’t all, we have to shared it afterword. I was so afraid to be called on , but unfortunately my teacher still called on me. I was about to share my summary but my instinct spoke out for me ‘ may I go to bathroom’ Ms. I still remembered how everyone was make fun of me, they called me coward and stammer. I didn’t go to school for 3 days because the evil mind told me never to go back anymore.

     I knew to quit school was definitely a stupid idea that may only helps me to escape from humiliation temporarily. For the first time I sat on my bed for an hours without itching on my feet. I thought ‘ What if I was told to write or read something in my job’, do I quite my job? Perhaps I could never got a decent job that would require literacy if I quit school in such young age.

      I did go back to school with my soul and vigor because I realized without the knowledge of literacy I was nothing other than a blind. I made up my mind to strive hard to make progress. I would read news in subway, wrote down vocabularies and practice free write. my determination indeed paid off,I past ESL level 3 with 90 on my report card. That was a big step in my way to literacy, I was indulged in happiness.

     The real obstacle was coming up,I had heard that the only way I can go to regular English class and even graduate from High school is to pass the regent exam. Nothing was more stressful than that. I was preparing for the exam for whole semester, all of our class writing and reading were came from previous exam. I thought i was ready. on the exam day, i literally ate 3 eggs, a glass of milk with cereal, in the way to school I was tried to avoid conversation with my friend just in case that I might forget the essay format. I was confident until i saw the last essay question, it was a quote by someone that i couldn’t recall. I was suppose to understand the quote and use two article to elaborate the larger concept and meaning behind the quote. the funny thing was I couldn’t comprehend the meaning of it. I waste half hour on thinking and relating the quote to some non - fiction that I read before. Suddenly my mind turned blank, my face must be pale white I guess. The test result was obvious, I failed the test. My grading teacher told me that he couldn’t find any connection between the quote and the two articles that I used. I answered in my mind ‘ how could i find right articles if I can’t analyze the quote correctly’.

      Many of my friends passed, I felt like a great disappointment. My writing and reading skill was denied by the crucial test, I won’t be able to graduate. The lucky thing was I had one more chance to take the regent and graduate on time. The pressure was on me again and it suffocated me more and more as the exam day were coming closer.

     There were one building block in my mind, ‘how did I know whether I failed to understand the quote ’ . I knew that in order to pass this time I must know the reason I failed. I went back to my level 3 teacher, and told her about my experience in regent exam. She said one thing that surprised me and inspired me in every way. She told me not to worry the quote itself, but to focus on expressing my knowledge and my own definition of the quote. This suggestion was like a noble redeem for me, which it did indirectly help me to pass the test. I found the mistake on my writing and reading, when I was reading books, I didn’t trust myself and I usually thought I missed some important point. As well in writing, I was tried to be perfectionism while it is impossible for me as a new immigrant, a rookie in English. Eventually I concentrated on grammar and etc.., ignore to elaborate the idea itself.

   As the second exam day came, I acted like it was a normal Wednesday. I was laughing in the train and chatting with my friend.  ‘ hi that’s your second time right?’ I answer ‘yes’. ‘Oh you must be an expert on the exam now’ he tried to make fun of me. I didn’t said anything, I was trying to play cool and let the result speaks for itself. I did pretty well in reading part, because I didn’t go back and forth to doubt and change the answer on multiple choices. I was sure that i didn’t miss anything,and i trust myself a lot. The essay question was a quote about evil, ’ a true evil was the one who good at pretend’ I can’t recall the whole quote. I used two example to describe and make connection of my own ‘ understanding to the quote’ and specified my ‘ own opinion’ to the quote and the real world concept. Two article I used was ‘passing’ by langston hughes and the ‘color of water’ by James McBride, I almost sure that this time I will pass.

    A month later, the result came out and it surprised me. I was not only passed but I passed with 85, which means I was able to register regular English classes. I couldn’t think of any word to stand for my feeling at that moment, but i clearly remember I retaliated my friend laugh at me in the train. I ‘m still in progressing now, college reading and writing intense courses make me breathless. They are more challenging, the only thing I should remember is to be confident of what I wrote.