final literacy explore

The evil mind

(The literacy explore)

 

 

Anning Li

English 201, Section 41

Professor Nargiza Matyakubova

February 28, 2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     In the past years, reading and writing has hindered my path to success in many courses. The inabilities to write and read are a major weakness in my academic process. I had no interest in reading and writing, it was considerable difficult for me to seat there and complete literacy assignment. I often recall, when my father was home, he would urge me to get works done.

     Growing up in a rural area with my mom, where most folks there barely attended high school nor college. My mother never had chance to attain High school, she was tired and depressed for not being able to provide better upbringing for me. Without a good learning environment to nurture my interest in writing, my talent was stifled ever since fourth grade. The teacher would shouted at me; ‘Anning, you had better rewrite your work and put more thoughts on IT.’ I remembered my heart was beating like a drum, hoping there was a hole to hide my head into! It happened to me in every classes. I screamed ‘I am done with it.’ The echo was reverberating in the field, As if I could still heard it.

Seven years later, my father, who moved to America seeking for better opportunity, came back and brought me, my sister and my mom into the country. It is flourishing city, which in my imagination, all fantasy would come true in here. First few days, my father took us a field trip to many places that I could only see in the TV. Seeing the ‘statue of liberty’ has always been my childhood’s dream, and the Brooklyn Bridge appears more magnificent on vision. Those events widen my eyes, and indeed they have fulfiller my

Expectation. For the first time, I did not think of my writing and reading assignments.

    Three month had passed, I was sitting on brand new class room with strange faces, struggled to read the most naive story book. It was boring indeed, but I would still make same mistakes on Pronunciation. I hated my Chinese accent. Although I practiced every day, I could not get rid of it. Walking down the street at Flushing, where, most people speaks Chinese, I felt a bit warmth. Whenever I saw a foreign people walking towards me, I would avoid the conversations with them. Public speaking in English was big challenge for me, I was not shy, and perhaps I lost to myself and rather be a coward.

      Sometimes I really thought, quitting school may be the only way to hide from my disadvantages. I preferred to be a coward than laugh by classmates. Maybe I was so naive and envious of others’ ability of getting good grades in ESL class while I struggled to read a single vocabulary. I remembered one most foolish thing I have ever done in my life was an in class reading assignment, we were not only required to read but also to write a summary of it. My ESL teacher gave me ‘journey to center of the earth’ it was a science fiction book. I spent most of my time rambling in the dictionary. I was sweating like summer rain when I heard the teacher called on me. My instinct spoke out for me ‘may I go to bathroom MS!’ I still remembered how everyone was making fun of me, they called me stammer. I didn’t go to school for a while, because the evil mind told me not to!

     I knew that quitting school was definitely the worst idea, it may help me to avoid the humiliation from class temporarily，but ruin my whole life. The first time I sat on my bed for an hours without itching on my feet, first time i had undivided attention thinking on

       Something. I thought ‘What if I was required to write or read something in my job’, do I quit my job? Perhaps I could never got a decent job, because I could never wrote a proper resume if I quit school in such a young age. I felt like needed help from someone, but I dare not to speak up, I could not walk out of the shadow. My stupid pride and foolish evil mind continued to torture me.

     Until I went back to school, I discovered the important of reading skill, I could not success without the ability to read and write properly in English. I met many friends, most of them were afraid of speaking English too. However, there was one student, who, constantly participated in class discussion. He became my best friend then, because he was the one inspired me and force me to start learning. I remembered in ESL level two class, I was like a fly without head, seat in the corner carelessly. It turned when the guy walked over and started to preach me. I was shocked of what he said; ‘you’re wasting of your parents’ effort, they made money by sweats and tears, and you’re sitting here doing nothing. Don’t you feel ashamed of yourself? Suddenly, I realized my parent were still working overtime just to put food on the table. His few simple but heartwarming words inspired me. My evil mind was dead after then.

      I realized without the knowledge of literacy I have no different than a blind and deaf. I made up my mind to strive hard to make progress. I would read news in subway, wrote down vocabularies and practice free write. I made record of my self’s speaking, and all the songs in my phone were in English, my determination indeed paid off, I past ESL level 3 with 90 on my report card. That was a big step in my way to attain literacy, I was indulged in happiness.

      The real obstacle was coming up, I had heard that the only way enable me to transfer to regular English class and even graduate from High school was to pass the regent exam. Nothing was more stressful than that. I was preparing for the exam for whole semester, all of our class writing and reading were came from previous exam. I thought i was ready after reading thousands of pages in English.

     On the exam day, I came in with confident until I saw the last essay question, it was a quote by someone that I couldn’t recall. I was supposed to understand the quote and use two article to elaborate the larger concept and meaning behind the quote. I numbed for a while, suddenly my mind turned blank, my face must be pale white I guess. I was not there yet I told myself, the regent was hard as hell! Especially the essay question, I did not comprehend it thoroughly. The test result was obvious, I failed the test. My grading teacher told me that he couldn’t find any connection between the quote and the two articles that I used. My heart was bleeding when I heard of it, nothing are more bitterness than their own efforts to be rejected.

      Many of my friends passed, I felt like a great disappointment. My writing and reading skill were denied by the crucial test, I won’t be able to graduate. My evil mind came up when I was desperate, it lured me to quit. Fortunately, I was told that I had one more chance to take the regent and graduate on time. The evil mind this time Strangled in the cradle. The pressure was on me again and it suffocated as the exam day were coming closer.

     There were one major problem, I knew that in order to pass this time I must know the reason why I failed. I went back to my level 3 teacher, and told her about my experience in regent exam. She said one thing that instantly inspired me in every way. She told me not to worry the quote itself, but to focus on expressing my knowledge and my own feeling about the quote. This suggestion was like a noble redeem for me, which it did indirectly help me to pass the test. I found the mistake on my writing and reading, when I was reading books, I didn’t trust myself and I usually thought I missed some important point. As well in writing, I tried to be perfectionism while it was impossible for me as a new immigrant, a rookie in English.

    As the second exam day came, I acted like it was a normal Wednesday. I was laughing in the train and chatting with my folks. I did pretty well in reading part, because I did not doubt and change the answer on multiple choices. I was sure that I didn’t miss anything. The essay question was a quote about evil,’ a true evil was the one who good at pretend’ I can’t recall the whole quote. I used two example to describe and make connection of my own ‘understanding of the quote’ and specified my ‘own opinion’ of the quote, related to the real world concept. Two article I used was ‘passing’ by Langston Hughes and the ‘color of water’ by James McBride. They were perfectly match the idea of the quote, and I smell success.

    One milestone of my literacy, and I clearly know it was just beginning. No matter what, I had proved that I am valuable. And I am not a coward anymore. The evil mind had never came upon my mind again and even if it does, I would not surrender. In the rest of my life, I would continue exploring the myth of English. The convention of English are endless that means I still have a lot to learn. I get excited when I think of it.